May 30, 2011

Monday Mishaps #01

A blog post done 23 minutes before heading to the office btw.

Before I head to work, let me share you a bit about how my Monday started. If you often drop by my blog, you already know that me and Mondays are not that tight. Earlier today, I lit the wrong side of my cigarette and still smoked it kasi sayang, only to realize it tastes awful because the filter got burnt. Second mishap for the day, I tried to turn on the radio earlier using the remote which is supposedly done because the power button is busted, so anyway, it was not turning on. I changed the battery of the remote and it's still not working. I am getting impatient already so I asked D to fix it. he suggested to try unplugging-replugging the socket and I did, only to find out that I was plugging the wrong one, the lampshade's instead of for the radio. Tanga lang talaga, lol, but since this all happened on a Monday, there's nothing else to blame. I easily get disoriented on a Monday. If today ain't Monday, I'll accept it as it is but I hated Monday since birth so there, once again, Monday just came and started ruining my day. I am about to head to work and I grew tired of crossing my fingers for a better Monday so I just give it a shrug and move on.

I hate you Monday!

May 29, 2011

Something About Change

~Posted by jill on Dec 21, '09 3:56 AM for everyone~

(fyi, this post was copied from my old blog);)

Nothing is constant in this world. The only constant in this world is change.
I couldn't agree more.

Change. Its so hard to accept it especially when u got used to that thing or situation and cant seem to accept the fact that its going to change. Change for a certain situation might be for the better but if it happened when U least expect it, we grope, we become frustrated, we find it hard to accept.

How do we prepare for this? Well we don't, we just have to accept it.
Easier said than done i know but that's how it works.

I myself don't like change.
I easily get attached to something. I don't like letting go of something that easily (who doesn't right?)
Circumstance like why is it that even if i know that its not gonna work, we still go with it?
That is when love takes its course.
Whatever it is, if it meant special, even if U already know that if its gonna be so wrong, U still allow it to happen? Emotions usually comes in first before thinking.

Emotions for me always comes in first.
U know that there is a consequence for that action but U tend to ignore it. Ur blinded by the emotions at that moment. U attache yourself to hard that when its time to end, ur not ready. U fight for it but the the fight is actually useless coz in the first place u already know its not meant to be.

But what about the things that's meant to be?
Meant to be but still, Ul never know when change comes in.
Change in the sense that at one blink, ul never bring back that moment.
That wld be either one of this, death, lies & cheat.
This three aint no good for anyone, hardest one to accept.

But then again, with change, that's how we learn & usually it makes us a bit stronger.
If were stuck with the same routine, there's no growth.
As painful as it may sound, we cant stop it.
We just have to accept, deal with it and move on.

A Summary...

...of what happened to my week: ;) (and random stuff).

---> Officially enrolled for the first semester.
---> The parents had a huge fight and mom is planning/planned to move out.
---> Will possibly work my a** off because my mom decided to not support my schooling.:(
---> D agreed to help me out but won't depend too much on him.
---> This is also the reason why my blog was gray for weeks.
---> Had my retainers done and it's quite hard to adjust using it.
---> I also look funny with my retainers on.
---> Asked sir Jade if I could get a fixed rate pay but I got a "no" answer.
---> I need extra income and the only other option for a job that I can get is a home based online tutor which is slashed out of the option because I have a 3 years old kid at home.
---> I smoke a lot more than I used to.
---> Smoking is bad and it makes it worst if I am not into completing the 8 glasses of water per day health rule.
---> Classes starts next week and that su**s because of so many reasons.
---> I finally was able to update my mom blog after 3 months.
---> Is so not a rain-person when I got no peace of mind (thanks to mom).
---> Dreading for what's coming ahead.
...and with that, I leave you with this song which is one of my most played track this week.:)

(click on the album cover to listen to the song.)

May 15, 2011

I ♥ Jessie J

I ♥ Jessie J so much, had her album downloaded a couple of weeks ago.
This song right here is one of my favorite, it's worth sharing.

~Click picture to listen to the song.~

"Who You Are"
I stare at my reflection in the mirror:
"Why am I doing this to myself?"
Losing my mind on a tiny error,
I nearly left the real me on the shelf.
No, no, no, no, no...

Don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars!
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay.
Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart.
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are!
(who you are [x11])

Brushing my hair, do I look perfect?
I forgot what to do to fit the mould, yeah!
The more I try the less it's working, yeah
'Cause everything inside me screams
No, no, no, no, no...

Don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars!
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay.
Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart.
But tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
There's nothing wrong with who you are!

Yes, no's, egos, fake shows, like WOAH!
Just go, and leave me alone!
Real talk, real life, good love, goodnight,
With a smile, that's my home!
That's my home, no...

No, no, no, no, no...
Don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars!
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay...
Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart.
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are!
yeah yeah yeah

May 12, 2011

L.D and T.E.

*Laundry Day & Tooth Extraction* Day

Today is one tiring day. I woke up around 8 to start the laundry then was able to finish it around 10:30. Yeah, made sure to finish it at that time because the people who works at the water district makes sure to turn off the water before the time hits 11am. Every time I do the laundry, my whole body aches, muscles twitching here and there and of course, when one is tired, irritable mood is at it's best. The reason why I feel like I had a complete work out for the day is when it's time to rinse the clothes, I do it mano-mano plus, don't forget that I have to finish it before a certain time 'kay. During this kind of day, I also make sure that the hangers and circulars are ready, entering the house getting stuff is a waste if time for me that is why I make sure that everything I need for washing is within hands reach. For our our white clothes, I make sure that it is soaked for 12 hours so what I do is soak all white colored clothes before I go to bed so that the next day, it all ready to spin for 30-45 minutes. I like doing the laundry if I do it my way. I want everything to be in the right order. About the mano-mano type of rinsing, I prefer this better than letting the washing machine do all the work. Plus, if I take a rest, I feel unhappy because my mind can't rest anyway if I know there are stuff that needs to be done. So anyway, now you know how I "do" the laundry. For the rest of my day, nothing special nor peculiar happened (nothing at home that is). O yah, I said goodbye to one of my tooth. Aside from my tooth extraction, I am absent right now from work. You can't work with sore gums, I mean I can't especially if they did an E-Section to remove the tooth. So yah, that's basically the summary of my day.

Tomorrow is Friday the 13th btw. Have fun okay.


May 6, 2011

Friday Frustrations: "the" Mood

ConversationsWithMoms:Every day Conversations with a Mom Blog
One thing you should know about me, I'm not a snob.

It may seem to you like I am that kind of person but because I know myself more than anybody else, I am totally not. There is just this thing that you should know, when I don't feel like talking, I literally don't. This is one thing that I can't help doing, it is sort of a habit for me which people misunderstood. Misunderstood because this mood pops up whenever it wants to. I am perky, I love talking but it is for a limited time only. When this mood comes in, you only get a yes and a no answer from me or often times, nothing at all. This is one reason why I can't wait to have our own place. People gets affected and I can feel it because this mood that I am talking about is infectious. This is also the reason why I hate group works and hates be-friending all the people in the room. Did I mention that it just comes out of nowhere? Like for example, I am the party starter, got everybody in the mood to party and may seem like the happiest moment of my life, and then all of a sudden, when the mood kicks in, I'd be silent at one corner, happy to see other people happy. I am happy deep inside but it just doesn't want to show anymore or if the mood gets worse, I just feel like crying. Yah, I am weirded out too. People get affected because they are paranoid that they were the ones who caused my change of mood and I hate that. This weird mood of mine is also the reason why my pod is always in handy. I'd rather keep myself isolated because of this mood and that's when people starts to assume that I am a snob. Also, when this crappy mood of mine creeps in, even the little-st problem that is totally solve-able makes me break down and then after a few minutes of crying, I feel happy again.

Weeks ago, as I was going through some articles on the Yahoo page, saw one article that talks about Bipolar disorder. The first time I encountered this work (which was way back high school), I knew that I had this disorder. Though mine is just a mild one called Cyclothymic Disorder. I was going through the symptoms and it is an 80% match of what I am feeling when I am feeling "the" mood. I ain't a doctor people and I mostly based my research about this mood on Google and no I am not a drug user but, if I can afford to see a shrink, I would want to know if this disorder really applies to me. For now, I don't have any clue on how to deal with it. D knows how my mood easily changes and he understands but there are times when my mood changes 50 times from hot to cold, cold to hot, he also gets frustrated. About the suicidal part, yeah, I've been there before but it just remains in my head, never attempted to do so plus I already have Pia that glues me together when I am broken inside.

So if you drop by my blog often, I really don't need to explain myself which I keep doing before to people at school or work but then I grew tired because they still think I have an attitude. Now, I don't bother. I still am a loner. I tried to be perky the whole day but I need to rest my mouth too you know, If I shut up, that's when I feel "the" mood again.

If you have the same mood, if you can relate, I need tips to cope.
Thanks for the drop lovely people. Goodnight.

May 2, 2011

MM: The Lazy Song

...because I simply love Bruno, they got the same eyes as my D and his voice is just so fresh, I love it so much.

...bicaazz I love sleep but I don't consider myself lazy.

For once some of the laziness included in the song is what I wanna do when it's one-of-those-days mood.

Because I want to congratulate Bruno for making it to the Top 100 Most Influential people of 2011 accdg. to Time magazine.

Here ya go, check out this ang kulit video! Enjoy your Monday guys because me, I am trying so hard to have a good one.
P.s. The monkeys look cool too y'all!

Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. Rules are simple. Leave ONLY the ACTUAL LINK POST here and grab the code below and place it at your blog entry. You can grab this code at LadyJava's Lounge Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.

PS: Because of spamming purposes, the linky will be closed on Thursday of each week at midnight, Malaysian Time. Thank you!

Monday Asusual

My gawd! Another week has gone by.Today I am starting my 3rd week from work. 3rd week and I still feel like a "the" the new girl. Well technically I still am but what I feel right now is like I'm still on my first day at work. I mean it's okay to be the new girl but this nerves of mine are killing me, it makes me want to barf out of nervousness. I just got a peek of my schedule earlier and I now have my very own student which I will be meeting for one whole week. The rest are LT's again but that's okay, at least I get to talk even if it's just for a short time. Today is payday too guys and I'm not that excited to see it because of the high deduction for the fidelity bond. We're supposed to get it 1pm today but decided to get it during my shift instead, nothing to be excited about anyway. And then here comes my insecurity level, it is at its peak people! I suddenly hate everything that I see when I look in the mirror. I am ugly and feel ugly. I hate my hair, I hate my boobs flat as a board, everything is just so ugly it un-boosts my happy spirit. Yah, I feel bad today, I really hope it's not infectious when I get to the office. So all in all, I feel nervous, ugly and unhappy today. Thanks to Monday, I get to show it to the world.

Thanks for my blog, got a slight detox.